A piece of my story.

I hope someday he realizes no one will ever love him the way I do. The day he looks for love instead of lust, He will be looking for me. Until that day I will cleanse my soul with my tears. Tears he caused and tears only he can prevent. I don't know what's easier to wrap my mind around- the fact he wasn't strong enough to hold on when things became rough, or I wasn't worth the fight. Should I regret the past 6 months of our so called "love" , or should I just be thankful of all of the memories I will carry with me forever? Forever...? That's a funny word. He promised me forever... I was dumb to believe him. That was just one of the many promises he made and broke. Promises are only lies. I expect the lowest from people these days, that way i can't be caused more pain if they somehow let me down. Which almost always happens. I also don't have hopes he will come back, or for anything, because if you hope that's another doorway for pain and disappointment. Also, if you have no hopes and somehow, magically, someone does something unexpected and wonderful it will bring a smile. A real smile. Ughhh I loved love once... Now I hate it for shattering my heart. I'm too young to have this heart ache, To feel this emptiness inside me from all those memories and smiles and kisses... Ohh the kisses! My lips feel a longing for him, the comfort, the warmth, the passion, the love. Well that's what it was to me. He should win a Grammy for all the acts he pulled, making it seem he felt something in those kisses too. My heart strains and aches for him. I have a picture of me wearing his favorite hoodie, ohh how his hoodie can just make you feel so warm. But now no other hoodie can compare. That picture, of me in his hoodie, yeahh I sometimes just look at, remembering the smell. Nothing can compare to that smell, I have no idea how to explain it. If I close my eyes I can still smell it, and remember his scent when I'm in his arms. Or the sweet, sensational taste of his lips. Funny how he told me he hated seeing me hurt... Then he turns around and hurts me. My heart hurts. I feel betrayed. I feel abandoned. I want to wait for him... But if he loved me like he said he did would he have ever left? I DON'T KNOW! I don't know the answers to anything anymore. Why me? I'm only still a teenager and I know he was the one I wanted to be with forever. There I go using the word forever again... I used to imagine ten years from now or even twenty and so on, being with him. I could see myself marrying him, even fathering my children someday. I don't want to move on. I can't... Love can do some crazy things to someone.